Thursday 29 March 2012

Toilet Seat Blues

Planning your first contact requires a lot of creativity. It requires you to suspend your imagination and plan your moves in a calculated format. And it's a lot of fun.

I would plan my moves, my dialogs, the dress I would wear, the position I would take, my body language, my gestures and what not. I would try various permutations and combinations. This dress with that dialog, this pose with that gesture, this move with that word. In the beginning I was very critical about this way of course. In all my sense, is this how I should be behaving? Day dreaming? At first I resisted the idea of behaving like a Nymph, but later my mind gave up before the sweet pleasures of wishful thinking and I convinced myself that to prepare for the D-Day was a better strategy than going in blindfolded.

Once I had a logical reason for day-dreaming, I simply went ahead and engulfed myself into the sensory pleasures. Initially it was all calculated and most of the times the simulation would have a rejection from her side. But after a while, she simply started accepting me in the simulations. And soon after that, I would simply keep dreaming of the two of us going on dates. And in the final stage we were often found making love.

..and I would suddenly wake up from my day dreams sitting on the toilet seat.

Sunday 25 March 2012

in·fat·u·ate Purgatory

Post infatuation - My good days all went to hell and the good nights went to the devil. Her thoughts wouldn't let me sleep anymore and her film-like flashbacks wouldn't let me walk during the day. I knew the truth that I had to approach her and make some kind of connection.

Some connection that would allow me to know if I could be with her and if there was something we could amount to. And if there were some sparks, I would test the waters and make my approach towards a casual relationship.

Even if she refused to be with me, I had to get a rejection and get it all out of my system. At least then I would have known that there was no hope and perhaps my sleep would visit me.

So that's how I spent at least 2 weeks in purgatory of infatuation thinking about the ways of making the first contact.